another blog.

just made a new blogspot for all things me and ashley.
i will be keeping this one for my own writings, of course.

stay updated with me and ashley:
ashleyandhannahbrown.blogspot.com

love you.
xx

news.

I'm engaged! AH!

Ash and I are getting married!
He proposed to me New Years Eve, full details on my note on Facebook.
I cannot wait to be his for our whole lives! So exciting!

thoughttttts.

the clock is ticking.
the sound of the second hand moving and my fingers dancing across the keyboard are fighting to win my attention.
its too late to be doing anything needing brainpower
but my fingers type away
probably for the soul purpose of hoping, wishing, wanting my family to be on.
its funny. technology.
if it wasnt for this white computer, and a wire plugged into who knows where
i would barely remember the sound of my mother's voice,
or the smile my sister throws when she gets annoyed and is trying not to let out a laugh.
i keep telling myself its easy to be away,
that i am never homesick, and that "thank goodness i have internet, it makes life easier"
but i think im fooling everyone but myself...
it keeps my fooled most of the time.

how could i get used to spending weeks without seeing them,
when i used to see them every day?

how can i get used to not recognizing my brothers' voices,
when ive missed a phase in their lives.

how can i not miss the smell of a famous omelet morning,
when that is all i know of that morning?

but the clock ticks away, im living their future.
it is ironic,
but their future is my past.
their past is my present.
their night is my day, and their day my night.

its funny how if you fill your day that they turn into weeks,
and you forget that you actually miss them.
i have to remind myself that its just as hard for them as it is for me.

im here.
i speak the same language,
but sometimes need translation.
they talk about the weather, and they might as well be talking about physics...
a whole new world.
im not jasmine. or aladdin. or whoever.

im me.
im here.
theyre there.

and thats always going to be a little strange.
me without them.
they have a big piece of my heart.

and that is
OK
with me :)

confessions = acknowledgment

-i preached my first sermon @ innerwest hillsong extension service youth on 8-8-08.
-i have the most incredibly supportive phenomenal amazing insanely awesome boyfriend.
-i started writing a book.

how to kill God.

we do it more than we realize.
we're pro's, i must say.
God looks down on us,
his heart bleeding and wrecked.

we're professional God-killers.

we can easily look the other way when we're uncomfortable.
you know you do it...
you see someone who looks different,
walks different,
talks slow...you look past them,
pretending you don't notice,
they know exactly what you're doing.

we can easily turn the channel when we're bombarded with need.
you know you do it...
you see someone with a bloated stomach,
with flies in their eyes,
tears...we ignore them,
pretending the problem is not ours.

we can easily get caught up in the luxurious living of Westernized Culture.
you know you do it...
you have a tv,
a couch,
a refrigerator,
you have a blanket,
walls. a door.
we have a penny to our name.
we are caught up in living in our homes,
focused inside where it's warm,
ignoring the rest of the world.

funny that kids in America are quite possibly in line with some of the richest in the world,
most have some banking account of some sort,
money in their pockets, and loose change laying around carelessly...
which, funnily enough, makes them in the top percentile of the world's richest.

funny that we live worried about being able to afford gasoline,
when most people in the world don't even have a car to put it in.

what a blessed and perverse people we are.
we have perfected the ways to kill God.

He rescues the poor at the first sign of need,
the destitute who have run out of luck.
He opens a place in his heart for the down-and-out,
he restores the wretched of the earth.
He frees them from tyranny and torture -

When they bleed, He bleeds;
When they die, He dies.
psalm 72:12-14

maybe we should think twice about the things we complain about,
and put our focus where God's is at...
the poor
(if you have money in the bank, in your hand, and laying around, you are in no way poor in comparison to the rest of the world.)
the destitue
the down-and-out
the wretched.
because when THEY bleed, our GOD bleeds
when THEY die, GOD dies...

you don't want to be categorized as a God-killer?
then take your eyes off your play-station, your tv,
get up off your couch, take some left-overs out of the fridge,
get in your car (you seem to always manage to have gas somehow),
and go out and do something for someone else...
it doesn't take a lot...but it does a lot.

it's hard to hear the truth sometimes,
i know i got a huge smack in the face.
but i figure, i would rather be on God's side any day.

who's with me?

my family.

i miss them...

reality.

i hate to think that someday i will wake up and realize that yesterday held the best days of my life.
that i have succumbed to normality, and just entered into the reality of my destiny.
that is, that no life is extra-ordinary; not even my own - no matter how hard i might try.

day after day i do the same meaningless enterprise with no sign of accomplishment.
night after night i sit and watch the same redundant shows on the television.
so ordinary, so normal.

its time to wake up.
yesterday will not be the best days of my life,
but only a glimpse of all that lay in store for me.

up ahead is not ordinary, but out of this world.
it is not normal, but is most certainly noble.
why does life have to be so dull and full of routine?
why can't i just break out of this dizzying cycle and walk a different route,
even if it may lead to the same destination i am programmed to go?

want to break out of your rut?
it could be as simple as that...
just walk a different way, even if it leads to the same place.
it might do something for you.

stand against normality and stand for nobility.
the noble live in the excellent, the normal live in the everyday.

- han