thoughttttts.

the clock is ticking.
the sound of the second hand moving and my fingers dancing across the keyboard are fighting to win my attention.
its too late to be doing anything needing brainpower
but my fingers type away
probably for the soul purpose of hoping, wishing, wanting my family to be on.
its funny. technology.
if it wasnt for this white computer, and a wire plugged into who knows where
i would barely remember the sound of my mother's voice,
or the smile my sister throws when she gets annoyed and is trying not to let out a laugh.
i keep telling myself its easy to be away,
that i am never homesick, and that "thank goodness i have internet, it makes life easier"
but i think im fooling everyone but myself...
it keeps my fooled most of the time.

how could i get used to spending weeks without seeing them,
when i used to see them every day?

how can i get used to not recognizing my brothers' voices,
when ive missed a phase in their lives.

how can i not miss the smell of a famous omelet morning,
when that is all i know of that morning?

but the clock ticks away, im living their future.
it is ironic,
but their future is my past.
their past is my present.
their night is my day, and their day my night.

its funny how if you fill your day that they turn into weeks,
and you forget that you actually miss them.
i have to remind myself that its just as hard for them as it is for me.

im here.
i speak the same language,
but sometimes need translation.
they talk about the weather, and they might as well be talking about physics...
a whole new world.
im not jasmine. or aladdin. or whoever.

im me.
im here.
theyre there.

and thats always going to be a little strange.
me without them.
they have a big piece of my heart.

and that is
OK
with me :)

confessions = acknowledgment

-i preached my first sermon @ innerwest hillsong extension service youth on 8-8-08.
-i have the most incredibly supportive phenomenal amazing insanely awesome boyfriend.
-i started writing a book.

how to kill God.

we do it more than we realize.
we're pro's, i must say.
God looks down on us,
his heart bleeding and wrecked.

we're professional God-killers.

we can easily look the other way when we're uncomfortable.
you know you do it...
you see someone who looks different,
walks different,
talks slow...you look past them,
pretending you don't notice,
they know exactly what you're doing.

we can easily turn the channel when we're bombarded with need.
you know you do it...
you see someone with a bloated stomach,
with flies in their eyes,
tears...we ignore them,
pretending the problem is not ours.

we can easily get caught up in the luxurious living of Westernized Culture.
you know you do it...
you have a tv,
a couch,
a refrigerator,
you have a blanket,
walls. a door.
we have a penny to our name.
we are caught up in living in our homes,
focused inside where it's warm,
ignoring the rest of the world.

funny that kids in America are quite possibly in line with some of the richest in the world,
most have some banking account of some sort,
money in their pockets, and loose change laying around carelessly...
which, funnily enough, makes them in the top percentile of the world's richest.

funny that we live worried about being able to afford gasoline,
when most people in the world don't even have a car to put it in.

what a blessed and perverse people we are.
we have perfected the ways to kill God.

He rescues the poor at the first sign of need,
the destitute who have run out of luck.
He opens a place in his heart for the down-and-out,
he restores the wretched of the earth.
He frees them from tyranny and torture -

When they bleed, He bleeds;
When they die, He dies.
psalm 72:12-14

maybe we should think twice about the things we complain about,
and put our focus where God's is at...
the poor
(if you have money in the bank, in your hand, and laying around, you are in no way poor in comparison to the rest of the world.)
the destitue
the down-and-out
the wretched.
because when THEY bleed, our GOD bleeds
when THEY die, GOD dies...

you don't want to be categorized as a God-killer?
then take your eyes off your play-station, your tv,
get up off your couch, take some left-overs out of the fridge,
get in your car (you seem to always manage to have gas somehow),
and go out and do something for someone else...
it doesn't take a lot...but it does a lot.

it's hard to hear the truth sometimes,
i know i got a huge smack in the face.
but i figure, i would rather be on God's side any day.

who's with me?

my family.

i miss them...

reality.

i hate to think that someday i will wake up and realize that yesterday held the best days of my life.
that i have succumbed to normality, and just entered into the reality of my destiny.
that is, that no life is extra-ordinary; not even my own - no matter how hard i might try.

day after day i do the same meaningless enterprise with no sign of accomplishment.
night after night i sit and watch the same redundant shows on the television.
so ordinary, so normal.

its time to wake up.
yesterday will not be the best days of my life,
but only a glimpse of all that lay in store for me.

up ahead is not ordinary, but out of this world.
it is not normal, but is most certainly noble.
why does life have to be so dull and full of routine?
why can't i just break out of this dizzying cycle and walk a different route,
even if it may lead to the same destination i am programmed to go?

want to break out of your rut?
it could be as simple as that...
just walk a different way, even if it leads to the same place.
it might do something for you.

stand against normality and stand for nobility.
the noble live in the excellent, the normal live in the everyday.

- han

Communion

This is the Communion Message I shared at Hillsong Burwood Extension this morning...
:-)

One of my favorite things in the entire world is my family, just enjoying each other’s company, sharing thoughts and ideas, laughing and doing life together over food.
This is also something that I believe Jesus enjoyed doing…in the very first Communion he ate and drank with his disciples. Communion was done in community, in fellowship with the people that knew him best, the one’s that he did life with.
I believe for us, as the House of God, through Communion, we not only remember what Christ did for us, but also make a declaration as a family. In Joshua 24:15, Joshua made this public commitment,

“If serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living, but as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

I love that I can come together with people who have the same mind, same love, and same desire to see this world come to know Jesus. It is so beautiful that we are to remember the sacrifice of Jesus with other’s, through taking a drink, and eating bread. Also, in taking Communion together, remembering what Jesus did on the Cross-for us, as a family, let us also publicly declare that this is a House committed to serving the Lord
If it wasn’t for what Christ did for us, not only would we not have relationship with Him, but also we wouldn’t have relationship with each other, our brothers and sisters in Christ. Through the Spirit, Christ is represented in our fellowship with others. Now, as brothers and sisters in Christ, we will come together and share the emblems with one another.

Father, as we take communion we come together, as a family remembering what Christ did for us, we make a declaration that this is a House committed to serving the You.
I pray that we would be one, as you are One, that we would be unified in our remembrance of your sacrifice.
I thank you for the sacrifice you made, for the incredible debt that you paid that we might know you…but not only to know you, but to also be in fellowship with others. Amen.

the barbarian way.

Erwin McManus came to church about two weeks ago.
Amazing, to say the least.
I bought three of his books...seriously amazing investment.
As a young Christian in a post-modern world, I have been so challenged and heartbroken and distraught about the lack of commitment and understanding to this post-modern generation.
I have finished the first book I've read by Erwin,

"The Barbarian Way"

seriously...read it.
Dad, read it, I thought of you...he talks about Braveheart in the first chapter, haha.
After you read it, give it to Judah to read...
This book basically sums up me, and my generation.

"Two thousand years later the call to follow Christ has been repackaged to be smooth and trouble-free, filled with opportunity and promise but lacking risk, passion, and sacrifice. Is this really what Jesus died for? If He chose the way of the cross, where would He hesitate leading us? It is possible that to follow Jesus is to choose the barbarian way? Jesus never made a pristine call to a proper and safe religion. Jesus beckons His followers to a path that is far from the easy road. It is a path filled with adventure, uncertainty, and unlimited possibilities - the only path that can fulfill the deepest longings and desires of your heart. This is the barbarian way: to give your heart to the only One who can make you fully alive. To love Him with simplicity and intensity. To unleash the untamed faith within. To be consumed by the presence of a pasionate and compassionate God. To go where He sends you, no matter the cost."

The is the back of the book...seriously, it's worth the $17 to buy it. It's an easy read, you could finish it in two sittings.

As a big sister, daughter, friend, one day wife and mother...I don't want to hinder people. I don't want to civilize people, to a safe watered-down religion. This book has honestly put into words my thoughts over the past couple of months. I have always been sick and disgusted of domesticated religion...I now choose the barbarian way...It is an unpaved road, an unsafe road, a road that could lead to death...but as long as it also leads to life, I'm on it!!!

I really really hope you guys will take the time to choose the road less-traveled: the dangerous road...

read this book.
it is challenging, scary, but brings a new light to Jesus...His way. It's not civilized.
God forgive us for our domesticated religion...
Heaven forbid if I ever cause people to not take the leap, to not take the dangerous road...


seriously.
read.

"but then the worst thing happened
that could happen to any fighter,
you got civilized."
-mick to rocky, (rocky III)