thoughttttts.

the clock is ticking.
the sound of the second hand moving and my fingers dancing across the keyboard are fighting to win my attention.
its too late to be doing anything needing brainpower
but my fingers type away
probably for the soul purpose of hoping, wishing, wanting my family to be on.
its funny. technology.
if it wasnt for this white computer, and a wire plugged into who knows where
i would barely remember the sound of my mother's voice,
or the smile my sister throws when she gets annoyed and is trying not to let out a laugh.
i keep telling myself its easy to be away,
that i am never homesick, and that "thank goodness i have internet, it makes life easier"
but i think im fooling everyone but myself...
it keeps my fooled most of the time.

how could i get used to spending weeks without seeing them,
when i used to see them every day?

how can i get used to not recognizing my brothers' voices,
when ive missed a phase in their lives.

how can i not miss the smell of a famous omelet morning,
when that is all i know of that morning?

but the clock ticks away, im living their future.
it is ironic,
but their future is my past.
their past is my present.
their night is my day, and their day my night.

its funny how if you fill your day that they turn into weeks,
and you forget that you actually miss them.
i have to remind myself that its just as hard for them as it is for me.

im here.
i speak the same language,
but sometimes need translation.
they talk about the weather, and they might as well be talking about physics...
a whole new world.
im not jasmine. or aladdin. or whoever.

im me.
im here.
theyre there.

and thats always going to be a little strange.
me without them.
they have a big piece of my heart.

and that is
OK
with me :)